I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
