what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
