i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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