He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
