Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
