Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
