Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
