I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
