Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
