I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
