Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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