He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
