Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
