the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
