this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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