Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
