Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
