i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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