How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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