if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
