I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
