To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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