She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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