2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
