I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
