Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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