Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
