We won't sleep together?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize