i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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