two words: eviction party
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
