The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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