I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
