Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize