If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
