I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There's even glitter on my cock...
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