Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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