:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Tornado booty call.. dedication
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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