I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
