Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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