we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
