it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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