hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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