and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
