I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
