giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
