Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
