Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
