I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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