My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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