what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
