Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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