you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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