Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
