you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Im part way to drunk.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
