Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
