That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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