but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
