There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
