Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
