hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize