So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
