On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
