my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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