lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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