whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize