Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize