dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
