i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
