And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
