Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
