I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
