OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
