i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
