Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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