You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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