meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
