He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
